Co-Parenting Tips from a legal perspective – Managing separate homes and the holidays

With the impending summer holidays just around the corner, here are a few practical tips for parents who want to avoid criticism from the Court and make co-parenting successful, stress free and importantly, in the child’s best interests.

Children are very adaptable

Parents assume that children will find it difficult to move and settle between homes, but often children are much more flexible than you would expect and can adapt to sharing time between both parents, if they are provided with a supportive and secure framework by the parents. Giving children the emotional encouragement and your permission to enjoy time with the other parent is key.

As parents, the responsibility is yours to ensure your children are parented to the best of your ability, working together to manage stressful situations together will help children adapt to the change in their family structure.

Working together

There will be times, throughout a child’s life when decisions have to be made, whether in relation to schooling and education, medical needs, or even daily routines, parents need to be working together to find a collaborative way to agree these decisions. Demonstrating to the children that parents can consult each other will again encourage them to adapt to their new routines as children whose parents have separated.

Managing expectations

In order to manage your child/ren’s expectations, if you have said you will do something with your child or attend any events with them, it is important that you keep to your word even if the other parent will be present too, for example sport’s matches, performances, school sports days or assemblies.

Equally, if you know the other parent will not attend and yet there is an expectation that they will, be mindful of the child’s disappointment and do not use it as an opportunity to berate the other parent.

School Holidays:

• Our top tip is to plan ahead. Talk to the other parent about your plans, although this may be difficult, it should be a child-centred approach. If direct communication is difficult, use email or even a parenting app like Our Family Wizard.
• Some parents will be dictated to by a Court Order but remember that the Court will not object to you adjusting that Order by mutual consent. You have to be guided by what is best for the children.
• If you are travelling with child/ren provide the other parent with all contact information and details – each parent has the right to know where the child is. It is good practice to provide as much notice of any travel plans to the other person as soon as practically possible. If the other parent objects to any such holiday plans, they could make a Prohibited Steps application to the Court requesting that the Court does not allow the parent to take the child/ren away. Equally you may need time to make an application for a Specific Issue Order for permission for the holiday. There must be good reason for making such an application, the Court will not entertain such an application without merit and if it was not in the best interests of the child to be taken on holiday with the other parent.
• Where a parent has a “lives with” Court Order, that parent may take the child out of the jurisdiction of England and Wales for 28 days without getting permission from the other parent. However, if there is also a “spends time with” Order, taking the child away is likely to breach that provision.
• Once agreed, involve the children in the plans that are being made for them, working with your child/ren to assist them with the changes ahead.
• Actively support the child/ren to maintain contact with the other parent whilst in your care through indirect contact, the use of FaceTime calls for example, children miss the other parent as well.

Christmas Holidays & Special Occasions:

Christmas can be a difficult time of the year for separated parents and children, it is important that children are not made to “choose” between parents. It is important they can move between homes easily without feelings of guilt.

• Keep children informed of plans and arrangements- where will they be over Christmas.
• Talk to children about the importance of a family over the Christmas period and suggest new traditions which can be made for when the child/ren are with you. Often, children will divide their time between both parents over the Christmas period with some spending Christmas Eve and half of Christmas Day with one parent and the other half of Christmas Day and Boxing Day with the other parent. These details will usually be recorded in a Court Order (if your matter progressed to Court) or can be agreement between parents in a Parenting Plan.
• Reassure children that although things have changed, they continue to be special to you.
• Find creative ways to include the other parent, for example supporting your child to make or buy gifts for the other parent.
• Don’t compete with the other parent on gifts. It is easy to do so, but it is important that children are not over indulged.
• Allow the children to decide where they want to keep their gifts.

Whilst it is in the best interests of the children and parents for relations to remain amicable and for parents to be able to effectively communicate with each other, we recognise this is not always easy. In situations where parents are finding it particularly difficult to communicate with each other in order to effectively co-parent, there are plenty of mediation services available which will assist in fostering a working, co-parenting relationship between parents and find a path suited for the children involved. Our team is on hand to help parents make plans and put agreements in place which will suit all those involved as well as the children.

Our team can assist in drawing up Parenting Plans. Plans help to provide clarity and ensure that the child/ren’s needs are fully catered for without having to resort to Court proceedings. Each parent will know what is expected of them and the other parent, setting out practical decisions in respect of the children and provides a framework should matters need to progress to Court in the future.

Speak to our Family Law experts

For more advice on co-parenting, drafting parenting plans or would like to speak with one of our trained mediators, please speak to our Children Law team on 01895207882 or email Sonal Parekh at sonal.parekh@ibblaw.co.uk