Married Couples Staying Together “For the Sake of the Children”

A new survey of 2,000 adults nationwide has revealed that a quarter of married couples are only staying together for the sake of their children, and expect to divorce as soon as the children have grown up. The survey revealed the top ten reasons that couples stay in relationships where they do not feel happy, along with what steps parents are prepared to take to create a façade of happiness for their children.

Bottling up problems

The survey revealed the extent that parents are willing to go to in order to protect their children’s feelings. Of those surveyed, 37% of married couples admitted that they had considered asking their partner for a divorce, but had decided to hold off due to the fear of adverse effects on their children. One in four participants who had already divorced said that they had stayed in their marriages past the point of happiness, waiting for their children to grow up. However, almost eight in ten of those who had prolonged their relationship said they now regretted their actions.

Participants also explained the steps they take to persuade their children that the parental relationship is happy and secure. The most common attempt to keep up appearances cited by participants was the bottling up of feelings and emotions, to avoid discussions or arguments with their partner. This was closely followed by parents admitting to retreating to a separate room to argue, so that the children would not be able to hear. Parents also considered it important for them to kiss each other goodbye in the mornings, continue sleeping in the same bed, and hold hands in front of their children.

While understandable that parents strive to maintain an appearance of happiness, it is warned that children may be able to detect marital disharmony and that parents could be doing more harm than good in the long run. Many older children and young adults who see their parents divorce at a later stage report feeling “cheated” by the façade of a happy family life and question their experiences of childhood.

The only reason for staying in an unhappy marriage that was cited more frequently than the protection of children, was participants feeling they “having too much to lose” by ending the relationship.

The study’s full top ten reasons for couples staying together are as follows:

• I have too much to lose
• Worried about the impact on the children
• I can’t afford to move out/live on my own
• I can’t afford to go through a divorce
• I want to give it some more time before making a final decision
• Stigma of divorce
• For my partner’s money
• Worried about how we will manage contact with the children
• I worry I won’t meet anyone else
• We have too many shared financial interests

10% rise in people living alone

Meanwhile, figures from the Office for National Statistics have revealed that an increasing number of people are living alone. In the past decade, around 600,000 more people reported living in a property by themselves – an increase of 10% since 2011, bringing the total to 7.1m across the UK.

The over-50s saw the biggest increase in people living outside of a couple, with the proportion of people living alone increasing gradually with age. In the age category of 35 – 49, men were more likely than women to reside alone, with it thought that this is due to the children of marital breakdown being less likely to live with the father than the mother.

The reasons behind the increase in sole occupancy are not known, but it is speculated that it could be linked to the corresponding rise in divorce rates. However, the data did not suggest that those living alone were single, just that steps to formalise a relationship – by moving in or marrying – have not been taken.

If you would like to discuss any aspect of family law, are considering divorce proceedings or a trial separation, or want to draw up a pre or post-nuptial agreement, call our mediation, divorce and family dispute resolution solicitors in absolute confidence on 01494 790058 or 01494 790047. Alternatively, email us at familylaw@ibblaw.co.uk.

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