How To Arrange Christmas as Separated Parents

It is just under two weeks until the most festive day of the year is upon us, and aside from planning what presents to buy, there needs to be some consideration and organisation in place if you are a separated parent.

As much as Christmas is a time of celebration, love and being with family, it can be also complex and emotional when establishing where children will spend their time over the festive period. There is always a lot to consider, and it is better to deal with matters head on, so you are prepared for the period ahead. Sorting plans may alleviate pressure as the Christmas period becomes closer. If you have a Child Arrangements Order in place, it may be that the decision has already been made regarding the arrangements for Christmas, however, if there is not an order in place, it is best to think about these arrangements now, taking into consideration the below.

Your Child’s Well Being

Before considering what arrangements are going to be put in place, ensure that your children’s well-being is your primary focus – this would be the Court’s focus as well. Your child’s happiness and safety are paramount, and yours and your ex-partner’s needs or wishes should not trump these.

How Can Christmas Be Split?

There are different options for how to handle Christmas following separation or divorce, but each option needs to be personal to you and your family’s dynamics. We have set out below some example arrangements that may assist you when considering your own plan for the festive period, albeit there is no ‘one size fits all’ approach and you would need to weigh these up against your own specific circumstances.

Share the Day

There is the option to split Christmas Day itself. It may be that one of you has the children on Christmas Eve through to midday on Christmas Day. At midday, the children would then travel/or be picked up by their other parent and get to enjoy the second half of Christmas Day and Boxing Day with this parent.

This option only works if the logistics can be implemented – it would not be feasible if too much travel is required. It would also require a great deal of flexibility on behalf of both co-parents. It could also be the case that this arrangement could result in upset to the children, say if meals times are changed, wider families are involved, or the children want to enjoy their presents in a certain environment.

This option can also alternate every year, so you are able to experience both sides of Christmas each year.

One Week On, One Week Off

School holidays tend to be two weeks for state schools, but longer for private schools. You may therefore decide to split the holidays, with the children spending one week with one parent and one week with the other. In practice, this could mean one parent has the children from when the school terms ends, with the period finishing on Christmas Day/Boxing Day. The second parent would then have the children for the week up until New Year’s Day and then normal arrangements can resume prior to school commencing.

Again, this option can be alternated year on year. This may need to be amended taking into account when the school holidays fall, however most schools are able to provide this information at least a year in advance.

Two Christmases

Every child’s wish would be for Christmas day to be every day, and it could be the case if this works for you and your family. You could therefore plan for the children to celebrate Christmas Day twice; once on Christmas Day with one parent and then celebrate on another designated day with the other parent.

Spend Christmas All Together

If your relationship with your ex-partner allows, you could spend Christmas Day together with your children rather than splitting the day. This is an opportunity to show the children you are still one team and united, even though you are no longer together.

If this is how you decide to spend Christmas, you need to ensure that there is a healthy dynamic on the day with clear boundaries set, so as not to confuse the children.

New Partners

When entering into new relationships, there can be additional challenges. You are now part of a blended family which will carry a lot of emotion, with new relationships to navigate. However, the children’s needs are paramount and will need to be your main concern.

Christmas may not be the right time to introduce new partners into a family, however, if the children have met your new partner before and are comfortable spending their time with them, then it can be considered.

Clear and concise communication is needed when you are co-parenting, and the children need to be at the forefront of your mind when making decisions. Showcasing to the children that you have been able to effectively co-parent and establish an organised plan for Christmas will allow the children to feel settled and at ease. Also, by having the plan in place early on, you can start to tell the children what the plan for Christmas is so you can deal with any questions or concerns they may have in good time and start to look forward to your celebrations.

If you are unable to reach an agreement with your ex-partner, there are options which can be considered as a last resort: –

1. Attend Mediation

A mediator can assist with discussing your arrangements for Christmas, as well as any other issues that may need discussing. Mediators are also trained to assist with financial issues arising upon divorce. Mediators are impartial and any discussions had with them are without prejudice. Mediators are used as a facilitator to aid settlement, however, any agreement made at mediation is not legally binding.

2. Solicitors

Solicitors can assist with providing advice and assisting with agreements being made. We are able to communicate with your ex-partner (or their solicitors) and try and focus negotiations. Communications through solicitors also removes some of the emotion that can come when trying to sort arrangements with each other.

3. Round table

If you and your ex-partner have solicitors, it could be beneficial to have a round table meeting with a view to reaching settlement. A round table meeting is a structured discussion where parties have an equal opportunity to discuss ideas. The aim is to keep the meeting focused and reach a settlement on the day.

4. Court application

As a last resort, and in emergencies, an application can be made to Court for a Child Arrangements Order. The Court generally has a ‘no order’ principle with regard to children’s applications with the Court only making an order if it would be better for the child than making no order. The Court’s paramount concern will always be the welfare of the child.

The festive period can be stressful and so by dealing with these arrangements sooner rather than later, it’s to be hoped that this will not be taking up too much thought in the run-up to the big day. Where possible, try to:

1. Focus on the positive, and being positive yourself;
2. Create new traditions with your children;
3. Take time for yourself;
4. Break from the norm and enjoy Christmas in a way that is not expected;
5. Try and maintain a routine; and
6. Always put the children first.

If you do not get Christmas right the first year you are separated, remember that you have an opportunity every year to try again and try something different. Creating new traditions and a new way to celebrate Christmas can take time. Keep an open mind and focus on the children and the spirit of Christmas.

If you are struggling with sorting out your arrangements for Christmas and need some advice, please contact the family team at IBB who will be able to provide you with assistance in relation to these matters.

Speak to our family experts

Should you wish to speak to someone regarding the above, or in relation to any other family law matter, please contact a member of the family team on 03456 381 381 or email us at enquiries@ibblaw.co.uk.